Wake up Call

I am sick of being bitter and cynical. I know that the people who know me in real life will say that I am a pretty joyful/cheery person, but I don't feel that way in my mind. I feel like I am using every excuse possible to ignore my calling.

From my birth up until the age of 7, a lady lived with my family named Amy Fosholm. I consider this woman to be my third grandmother. Anyways, she was a complete woman of God. She would spend a minimum of 4 hours a day praying and interceding for people. She is one of the kindest people on this earth.

I was looking for something this afternoon in my storage boxes and came across a box full of pictures and letters. Overall, it was a really great time to look back at my life and all of the great relationships I have made. Two letters completely knocked me in the face. They were both from my old friend, Amy. The first, was a letter she wrote to me when I was still in my mother's womb. It was pretty much a prophecy saying that the Lord is birthing someone in my mother that was going to reach all of the nations and be a great person of God. The second letter was a follow up letter she sent me when I was in high school. It told me to chase after God and spend time with him. It told me to ignore all of the little things and get in line with the pulse of Jesus.

It's hard to explain how both of these letters spoke to me, but I feel like something profound has happened today. I feel clarity like I have never felt. Additionally, I feel extremely screwed up. I feel like I have expended so much energy and thought on things that aren't in my master plan. Frankly, I don't know what the master plan is, but I know that I need to rise up in spiritual maturity. I know that I need to disregard the petty things that plague my world.

Recently, I blogged about my frustrations with being selfish. Those thoughts have not gone away. It is time for a global view. It is time to start truly caring. As much as I want it to be, this life is not my own.

Change

This is probably the hardest blog I have ever tried to articulate. I have been thinking it over for the past couple months, and I just need to get it out of my mind and written down. I am really starting to believe that I don’t adhere to any political party. The reason this is hard for me to say is because it seems like literally everyone around me is passionately conservative.

Trust me, I am all for political awareness and social justice. I just don’t see justice happening in our current state. I think certain things about modern capitalist politics just don’t line up with the life Jesus led. Here are a few of the issues I am starting to re-think:

I am becoming a pacifist. Last night, I watched the movie, The Passion of the Christ. As I sat there in tears watching this actor’s rendition of Jesus, it became more apparent how much of a non-violent revolutionary he was. The “turn the other cheek” analogy is more than just a saying; it was a way of life for Jesus. Now, just for clarification, this is not some anti-Iraq war rant. I am simply stating my distaste for war in general. I realize our country was pretty much founded on the civil war, but to me that is not justification, it’s just history that we learn from.

I am becoming more concerned about Green Matters and the Environment. The bible calls us to be good stewards of our land, and I feel like our society has not done its job in upholding this. Everything on this earth is God’s piece of art from a mucky marsh in the everglades to farmland in the Midwest. Sometimes I think we have this attitude that Jesus is coming back before any of our environmental footprint effects anything. The fact of the matter is no one knows when Jesus is coming. It has been “at hand” since the apostle Paul was alive. One of my greatest fears is that, in a thousand years, our offspring look back at us in bewilderment at how we treated our land and showed no concern over their future. Why? So we could have 5 options in sneakers instead of 2, so we could have a 3 cars instead of two, etc.

I am reading the bible as a story, not an answer book. The bible is the tale of our existence put into poetic terms, not prose. It is the word inspired by God, not directly written by him. I believe the bible is 100% true in context, not out of it. I believe that we are still living out the bible today. God gave us the gift of his word so that we could see how past tribulations have been handled through different cultures and times. From the Spanish Inquisition, to John Wesley, to modern times, God wants us to learn from the past and grow on it. It is much like a tree and its rings. The tree keeps growing off itself and adding onto the rings already laid down, not starting new trees, not erasing past rings, but building upon them.

These are the major things going on in my head currently. Like I said when I started this thread, this is my journey. I could be completely off, and I am open to that fact. I just want to be open with my thoughts and not stifle “different” thinking. By the way, I realize that my points kind of went beyond politics and into just my general orthodoxy. Sorry for the scatter-brained post.

Sun Kil Moon is way too good.

Whoa, I got this mobile blogging thing set up. That is what that picture is in the previous post. I am glad they finally released this feature.

I had a decent weekend. On Friday, my company hosted a holiday party. It was nice to get all dressed up and be “swank” for an evening. I will post a picture of my date and I later (Once I get the picture uploaded). On Saturday, I saw “Apocalypto”, the new Mel Gibson movie. It was spectacular. I was enthralled in the story all the way through. That evening, I went and watched Sean’s band Cameron at Bay. They killed it. By far the best band of the evening, I hope Sean and the guys keep plugging away at it, because they have a ton of potential. After the show I went to a lame party, and since I don’t drink much anymore, I pretty much just sat there and lurked..haha. Sunday, I went to church, Pastor Leech gave a great outline of the church’s vision. I am excited to be a part of Jubilee.

Two Sexxxy DOODZ

What will my soundtrack be for this period?

So I started a diet exactly 7 days ago, and I have already lost 11 pounds. I am so insanely impressed. Results are the best motivation ever to keep going. I haven’t been “thin” since I was about 9 years old, so this is a huge thing for me. Hopefully I get down to the point I want to.

I have been super inspired by the band lately. Right now, it truly feels like we are weightless and limitless. I feel like we can dream as elaborate or as basic as we want. It’s so easy to get boxed into a niche. Sometimes we all need jolts to realign our dreams and actions. We have started experimenting with more electronic drums and patterns and it’s forcing us to think outside the box. So far, we have two great song starts.

Big things to come.

Crucified by Nails of Silence

I am sitting here at my desk blasting the new Hammock album, Raising your Voice…trying to Stop an Echo, on my headphones.

Where do bands like this gather their inspiration? This music sounds so incredibly organic. To me, it sounds like I am listening directly into their souls. Needless to say, I am enjoying it.

I really want to work on my own personal writing. I think at this point, I am a good collaborator and I need to work on completing ideas. I started a progression this past weekend that could be something great if I get my stuff together. Time will tell?

I miss playing music with the guys really bad right now 

Getting Feeling Back

Well I guess it’s over. We had our last show as Young America / Strikethurman on Wednesday with the lovely Skillet. I feel at peace about it. I think we are going to do something new and fresh in the months to come. I really look forward to gaining a new center in the band, new inspiration, and new sounds. It’s time to really dig in and build something beautiful that we can be inspired from twenty years later.

It’s been weird getting out of my normal Sunday mindset. In the past, I was used to getting up at 6am, getting to church at 7am to set everything up, doing the service, eating some lunch and doing another evening service. Now that the church is over I feel totally different on Sundays. I started working out again, and I came to the conclusion that I can work out on Sunday mornings now before church. So weird….

Top Albums of 2006

So I decided to go through my ipod and compile a list of my favorite releases of 2006. I know I am probably missing some key albums, but this is fairly complete:

Devics – Push the Heart : Very elegant sounding female fronted indie. I love putting this album on when I am in a mellow mood.

This Will Destroy You – Young Mountain : One of the best debuts I have ever heard. There are obvious comparisons to Explosions in the Sky, but I really think they have created a mature album that holds it’s own weight. I can’t wait for this to come out on vinyl.

Envy – Insomniac Doze : Very stunning album combining influences from screamo and post-rock. Very original and intense. Japan produces some stellar bands.

Jeremy Enigk – World Waits : To answer your question, yes he still has it! This is Jeremy’s second solo album. His first was Return to the Frog Queen back in the mid to late 90s. If you are looking for another Frog Queen, you will be disappointed. I would call this a continuation of his work with the Fire Theft. Enough rambling, so buy it NOW!

Anathallo – Floating World : I can’t say enough good things about this band. It is so good to hear an extremely innovative Christian band that thinks outside of the box. I am going to go see them tomorrow night, and can’t wait.

Gregor samsa – 55:12 : Probably one of the most relaxing albums of the year. It definitely keeps it’s intensity though. This band can have my babies.

Thom Yorke – The Eraser : I wonder why this album is so good? Oh wait, EFFIN IT’S THOM YORKE! Everything from the album artwork to the music is top notch.

Tom Petty – Highway Companion : It’s Tom Petty, `nuff said.

Planes Mistaken for Stars – Mercy : I know this album was met with some criticism for the new direction in recording quality and song writing, but I happen to love it. Very passionate album from what I consider to be standards in the emo/indie scene.

Jesu – Silver : Spacey, dreamy, heavy, and sexy are all words to describe this follow up to last year’s self titled album.

Old Crow Medicine Show – Big Iron World : I would say this album started my on a path to check out different musical styles. If you are into blue grass, check these guys out now. Actually, check them out even if bluegrass isn’t your thing.

Mewithoutyou – Brother, Sister : Kind of an odd choice for top albums since I am usually not a big fan of Tooth and Nail’s catalog. This band, however, is simply undeniable. They progress with every album. All of the collaboration on this album really gives the listener an organic feel.

Clogs – Lantern : I would say this album went under the radar in a lot of ways. I was lucky enough to stumble upon it from this jazz website I was checking out. Very experimental music from classically trained musicians.

These Arms are Snakes – Easter : This band can do no wrong as far as I am concerned. Botch would be proud?

Bonnie “Prince” Billy – The Letting Go : I just came across this artist this year. (I feel so behind!) One of the best songwriters of our time, and I think he has many more years of memorable songs ahead of him.

Mogwai – Mr. Beast : I got the lovely opportunity of catching them on tour while supporting this album. One of the biggest sounding bands I have ever heard. I hope they keep playing for decades upon decades.

The Album Leaf – Into the Blue Again : I would call this a natural follow up to their previous works. Very solid and listenable.

Sparrows Swarm and Sing – O`Shenandoah, Mighty Death… : Godspeed 2.0? I kid, I kid. Very solid album that really paints some great imagery. Magic Bullet has had a great year concerning releases.

Bob Dylan – Modern Times : Of course the old man still has it. I am honestly a fan of how his voice is aging. This album keeps my interest throughout the whole thing.

Calexico – Garden Ruin : I have listened to this album far too much. Such fabulous song writing.

David Bazan – Fewer Moving Parts : His first album post-Pedro. Great album, however I really look forward to what else he has ahead of him.

Lakes – Photographs : I think this ep is defined by the melody making. Truly catchy, addictive music.

Muse – Black Holes and Revelations : This album seemed like a big middle finger to the music industry. To me, it just sounds like they do whatever-the hell-they want. Catchy music that is heavy to boot.

Priestess – Hello Master : Whoa! Where did these guys come from? Professional musicianship combined with badass rock and roll. How can you go wrong?

Rocky Votolato – Makers : I would classify this follow up as dark and oblique. I think it’s a great progression for Rocky.
Yo La Tengo – I am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass : I am pretty sure they don’t know how to write a bad album.

Wovenhand – Mosiac : I am so proud of the fact that these guys are from Colorado. Extremely spiritual, layered, well thought music.

Amy Millan – Honey From the Tombs : From Stars to Broken Social Scene, Amy has been a key to great albums. This solo album lives up to her reputation.

Kayo Dot – Dowsing Anemone With Copper Tongue : It’s ironic that these guys will mostly never see commercial success. This is some of the most talented and organic music I have ever listened to.

Goth or Witch?

Today on my way into work, I saw this girl waiting on the side of the road for the bus. I thought she was one of those annoying goth girls, then I remembered it’s Halloween today!

So…Happy Halloween!?

I think today I will listen to all of my Oasis cds.

Love

I think I had an awakening yesterday. Backstory:

Everything in life is currently changing, I lost my church family, my drummer left the band for uncontrollable reasons (I love him!), and I am living in a new place. I have been completely numb, literally not caring about anything. To go along with this attitude I decided it would be a good idea to get drunk on Saturday night. I wasn’t going to over-do it, but when the opportunity was there, I took it.

I felt horrible the next day, both physically and spiritually. I went to the 11 o`clock service at Jubilee and Pastor Leech’s words hit me like a brick in the face. The central theme of his message was that heart changes don’t occur until you fill that void you are trying to change with something better. (Obviously that is a gross over-simplification of his sermon) I left feeling inspired.

Later that evening I went to “Pathways Church” in the Washington Park area. The sermon was about communication with God and prayer. At the end, there was time for worship and prayer. I sat there in silence and I could hear the definite words of God speaking to me so quietly and softly. I honestly felt so enlightened afterwards. I woke up today with a smile on my face. I feel so inspired by life and in tune with God.

Needless to say, I was smacked in the face this weekend. It feels like no matter how stupid I am, God refuses to let me go. Obviously, I cannot take advantage of His grace, but at the same time, His love completely overwhelms me. It is time for me to take a walk down that desolate/desert road that they talk about in Acts 8. Perhaps God has his own version of the rich Ethiopian for me to come across.

Constant Rotation Called Life.

Wow. What a crazy past 2 weeks. Change, change, change. I am trying to figure out if I am just numb to it all or coping. The later of the two is becoming more probable. This, in my opinion, is a very good thing. The future is quite uncertain, but I am really excited about it. I love the fact that I can technically do anything I want. Maybe that is a selfish viewpoint, but it doesn’t really change the way I feel.

Anyhoo, my church just had its last service ever on Sunday. (I found out about it 4 days prior!). I guess I am kind of in shock still. I will be attending Jubilee on Sunday. I really enjoy Leech`s preaching. Hopefully I find a new community to call home soon.

Tonight=Bottle of Wine, Cigar, and possibly a movie.

Eat Up, Drink Up

The doctors and pharmacists insist on growing up,
And as much as I hate pills and plans,
I guess I’d tend to agree.
You see we get through this life,
We eat, we sleep, we die,
But someday I’d like to look at my wife,
And say we lived without a lie.

Drink up drink up, from this bitter cup.
Eat up, eat up, and swallow it all down.
Once the taste sets in, spit it out with glee,
And realize there is more for you and for me.

When my skin is all cracked and dry,
And darkness is setting in.
I hope that each of my closest kin,
Look down on my body.
They will say:
He will rest in His peace, because he lived in His plan,
And the vultures will have rest tonight for this is sacred land.

Lessons in Love

Growing up never stops does it?

Anyhoo, lately, I have felt really excited about life. I have decided that no matter what comes my way, happiness is a choice. Of course it’s a lot harder when hardship is looking you straight in the eye. The bottom line is, everyone has problems of varying degrees.

Life is meant to be enjoyed, not gotten through. I know, I know, I sound like a motivational speaker or something, but it’s true. It seems like we walk through life trying to get from one place to the next, and never really enjoy the ride. Sometimes I think walking in love means taking a step back and truly counting your blessings. Just look around for a second and gaze at all of the beauty around you. God’s way of saying He loves and cares for us. For me it serves as encouragement to press on in this trail of life.

Anyway, short but sweet. Love you all.

-Josh

random poem

With the brilliance that is gold
And a bitter tasting tounge
You beat his head into the ground
And claim what god to you bestowed.
With that flame behind your eyes,
You take and take and take and take
On the constant quest for more,
You eat a starving child’s meal.

Is this the world of which we are born?
All calloused, rotten and hard?
I try and try and try to walk in love,
But I am not entirely sure what that means.

Rhythms and patterns, zeros and ones,
You became flesh and showed what is love,
Anguish unsaid, Debts unpaid.
You made the wine and we drank your blood.

This Zombi is Anything but Alive

Do you know what I fear the most? It isn’t death, or where my eternity lies, ect. My biggest fear is leading myself into a comma of a life.

The past few months I have gone through ups and downs, but I think I have really learned some things through the valleys I have walked through. The most important thing I have discovered is that I truly needs stimulus, whether it be for my soul, spirit, or body. I cannot go on in this numb state where I ignore life, because I will tell you right now, when it all catches up with you, its worth that death. Sometimes, I think we as humans naturally lean towards the middle path, the mediocre way. Life comes from challenge, not zombie-living.

To put this all together, lately, I have been reading my bible, listening to sermons on my iPod, and worshiping God. Let me tell you, this has lead to a fullness of life like I have never experienced before. I used to look at these types of things as secondary, “When I have time, I will pursue it harder”, I have since discovered that life is in these practices. God placed these communication methods in our lives so that we could truly breath, because the alternative is a stagnant comma-state of a life.

I will fully admit that I still stumble, and life isn’t necessarily easy just because I communicate with God and pursue His things. I will say, however, that the application of your spirituality will do wonders for your self-esteem, and bring everything into perspective.


Lord, I love you so much. I want to pursue you in EVERYTHING. I am tired and weak, and I truly need your touch. I pray that you would help my in my pursuit of You, guide me and bring revelation. I do not want to be a zombie-Christian that does through life settling for the mediocre, never living up to the promises You have made.

-Josh

argh!

I have seriously been brain dead lately. On countless occasions, I have sat here and tried to think about something to blog about. Everything has been so busy lately, I feel like I have hardly had a chance to breath. Time to simplify.

<3 you all.

Between Christian Rock and a Hard Place

I have decided that music honestly is one of the most amazing things ever. Obviously, this isn’t a new development since I have been obsessed with music since I got my first “Mylon LeFevre” tape when I was 7.

I just find it interesting how three-dimensional it is. There are the obvious things that stick out like genre, tone, recording quality, and subject matter. What I find interesting however is that all of these things can add these underlying ideas and emotions. For instance, when I listen to Sufjan Stevens vs. Jose Gonzalez, they are fairly similar aesthetically. They are both indie-folk singer-songwriters. However, when I listen to Jose I get a much bigger sense of originality. It feels like he is truly engrossed in the art he is creating rather than just trying to evoke a certain mood. I LOVE Stevens, I am just stating differences. Through Jose’s whispery voice I hear intensity and conviction.

Anyway, I started a new blog for album reviews and another one for my short stories and other miscellaneous writings. Check them out if you wish:

joshmickelson2.blogspot.com
pinchblistering.blogspot.com

(Isn’t weird that I made a post that doesn’t have to do with Christianity?)

Oh god do what you can to annoint my head

I woke up this morning to awful weather. It was snowing/sleeting and the roads were not good. Throughout the day, I noticed that the weather was improving, so I went on lunch. Upon returning to work, it was sunny outside, and oddly enough there was a herd of deer across the street from my office. Very beautiful.

In some ways, I think our spiritual life is like this. We go through times of sadness and weakness. But honestly, I think that making it through those times is the most rewarding/refreshing experiences. I don’t think that beauty after a storm would be as amazing without the storm itself happening.

This sounds like something I would have learned as a child in Sunday school, but I can say that I haven’t learned it in my heart yet. I am getting there though, and I really am trying to place my trust in God. I may not know the master plan, but I do know that God has a way of expressing himself that we can’t comprehend, and it’s the most beautiful thing ever.

How Great Thou Art

I have been re-thinking a lot of things lately concerning my beliefs/relationship with God. I have come to the conclusion that I am falling out of love with Christianity and more in love with God himself. I know that sounds almost heretic, but it is not meant to be. All I am saying is that I feel like I have put God in this box of my surroundings. I have interpreted him based on what my parents and society have taught me. I want to have a living, breathing relationship with a real God. Not a myth whose foundation is based in modernism and man made ideals. I want to read the bible like a love story, not a formulaic textbook to get answers for whatever you need. I guess you could say I am falling back in love with Jesus because I am realizing that the things that turned me off before were nothing like him anyway. It seems like the church (in general) might be losing its grip on things because it refuses to admit fault and progress. I feel like we are back in the 1800’s when slavery was justified with the Bible. Or back in the crusades when people of different religions were murdered in the name of God. Maybe it’s not that extreme or apparent, but I feel we need to constantly be re-assessing ourselves, and depending on God for the answers. Not our surroundings and selfish motives. Anyway, food for thought.

I am weak, but He is strong

No major insight or theology on this entry, I just want to say that I am thankful for my friends and my God. I have had a super rough week and I screwed up big time. Yet now in retrospect, I can say that I am stronger, and smarter from it. So thanks to my friends who are reading this and know what I am talking about.

In other news, I am completely moved into my place in Castle Pines North. It is SOOO nice. I am super pumped on it all. Everyone should come visit me.

I just read the funniest argument on hxcboards between a vegan guy and other people. Funny stuff.

We Will Survive

I have brought the suck at blogging this past month. Oh well.

So I started reading a new book called New Kind of Christian. I am only 4 chapters in, but I have found it super stimulating and interesting. So far, the book is about how our society is transitioning from the modern world to the post-modern world. To sum up what I have read so far, it is about the fact that modern Christianity is clinging on to the foundations they laid in the modern world, while everything else is progressing. In other words, the Church is losing relevancy because it laid too much foundation in our surroundings and environment. I am paraphrasing like no other, but I hope the point is coming through clear. Anyway, the book is really opening my eyes to the reasons that I am a Christian. After thought, the main reason I am a Christian is that I have a relationship with a living, breathing God. It is so easy to limit God to our surroundings, but He is so much bigger than that. Maybe it is just human nature, but I think we need to get over ourselves. I have heard a lot of concern regarding future generations and their relevance to God. Personally, I feel very optimistic. I think our societal changes are going to force a re-evaluation of our Western/European view on God.

Anyway, on a personal note, I am moving this Saturday. I am so excited about it. I will finally have my own spot to study/keep clean/sleep in/ yada. I have been a nomad for a while now and it sucks. Although I can honestly say I think it has been good for me. I don’t have a dependency on home. Which I think is going to be crucial when I move into missions. Anyway, if you are my friend, and reading this, you should come check it out.

there is no easy path

Do you ever wonder if you have missed the point in some senses? I have been really concerned about my life this week. I have always banked on music as my ticket into ministry, and that pastorship/missionary work is all something for when I am older. I believe God has given me a gift in music, and I am using it right now. I just feel a deeper calling in a sense. I really want to see lives changed in a day-to-day manner. I am really tired right now, so I might just be speaking out of my sleepiness. I just hope that I figure things out soon. For the record, this entry is just how I am feeling right now; it has nothing to do with my band or church. It is simply a diary entry, and a vent for frustrations in my life.

Simply Complex

I have been struggling the last few days with simple faith vs. complex faith. The Bible talks about having faith like a child. It also speaks about digging deeper and deeper into the things of God. This has been the conflict in my mind that past week. I came to a realization, however. God isn’t looking for simple-minded believers. I think when the Bible talks about “Faith like a child”; it is about taking delight in everything. If you look at a child, their life is so amazing. A smile from their daddy, or a hug from their sibling is a huge source of happiness. I think in some ways, that’s how God wants us to view our beautifully complex relationship with Him. It is not wrong to question things, or research, I think God promotes it. I just think we need to take delight in the simple pleasures, and the basic fact that we serve such an awesome God. This is a fairly straight forward entry, I hope it is encouraging

2+2=5

So who would win in a cage match, Science or Art? In modern day, I think most people would answer that question with, “Science”. We are in an era (no matter how artistic you think you are) that worships science. With revolutionary thinking like Darwin and other philosophers, we have started viewing everything in terms of formulas and steps. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with science. God has created an immaculate universe, and I see it as an honor to be able to research it and gain more knowledge about it. I think the trouble lies when we start view God in terms of formulas and “5 steps to Christianity”. When we view things that way, we start extracting verses to further our
”hypothesis” or prove our own point. I think if you read through the Bible without this mindset, you will find a different story. From Moses to Paul, everyone communicated heart felt, poetic stories of a true relationship with God. I really think that there is an underlying language in the Bible. It is one of relationship and acceptance. To be 100% honest, I myself am still digesting all of this. I just wanted to throw out what is going on in my head currently.

So This is the New Year

We had a discussion on our last cell meeting that really sparked thought inside of me. We talked about our New Year’s resolutions. I thought about my goals for the year 2006, and by the end of the night, I realized they were all completely selfish. Nowhere in my list was outreach. It was all about SELF-improvement. I have been thinking about it a lot this week, and I have come to the conclusion that a lot of my growth can and should come through giving. I have said this in previous entries on here, but I want to reiterate that Jesus clothed the naked, fed the hungry, and gave to the poor. I feel like the vast majority of the things I do are simply to make my way of life better. I mean, it is simply our human nature to think of self first. It is the natural persuasion. I really think that when we can give up ourselves, we are opening a door to let God in. When I look at my past, the times I have felt most fulfilled were when I took my focus off myself. I realize this entry is probably a bit jumbled, but it has been pressing really hard on my heart. I have been feeling very confused about Christianity in general. I feel like a lot of the things I placed so much weight on, are less and less significant. I have the feeling that we have possibly misinterpreted the Bible in many ways. With that in mind, I find it is easy to become cynical. I have decided, that it is pointless to get to so technical when I am not following a lot of the basic principles that Jesus laid out for us. Anyway, hopefully this entry doesn’t sound negative. I honestly feel encouraged by it; Jesus has given us a blueprint on how to live the perfect life. Obviously, he realizes that we are going to screw up, but I feel that it is time for the church to step and think outwardly.