I am weak in this need for you...

“Come to me, come to me all you sick and weary”
“Come to me, come to me and I will make you whole”

There’s a place that is brighter than the sun, and deeper than the darkest sea. Where the fields roll into the west and my mind can feel some rest. I am so weak in this need for You. My heart is green, fertile with life and ready for autumn’s harvest.

Rot away, oh fence posts of my past. The sand that the wind moves will wear you down. Seeing you go is hard, the barbs wrapped around your width are exposed. Rusting metal has its hold on something that no longer contains me.

Send me out into the rain my Lord. Pour out the globes of water onto my brow. Let the remnants run through my beard, onto my chest and to my feet. Cleanse the very ground I stand on so that flowers may bloom and fields grow.

The past is a different world.

Well I would say that thanksgiving was a success. It was such a healing/rejuvenating experience to be with my family. I spent Wednesday-Thursday with my parents, my Uncle Luke, my Uncle Stan and their spouses in Omaha, NB. During the drive eastward, I had a lot of time to gather my thoughts and listen to some great music. I got into my uncle’s home and gave my parents a big hug followed by my extended family. We sat around and talked and got all caught up. The next morning, we had a big breakfast and watched football. At 4, we had our Thanksgiving dinner. The highlight of the meal was the Lefsa. I haven’t had that in a few years, and I deeply missed it!

The peak of my time in Nebraska was Thursday evening. We all sat in the living room as I listened to my mom and her brothers reminisce about the past. Stories of the life on a family-farm, stories about my grandfather I never met, and tales of early marriage life. After that, my mom suggested we sing some songs around the piano. My aunt Sharon mounted the bench, and with soft fingers began hammering the ivory keys to the tune of old Lutheran hymns and classic Christmas tunes. The air was thick with jovial melodies and love.

After the singing, we all sat down again, and my uncle Luke asked if he could read us a story he had been working on. He clarified that it was a telling of how my uncle Philipp died when he was 21. My ears burned with anticipation. I had never been brave enough to ask my mother the details about his death, because I could see the pain behind her eyes when we spoke of him. Luke, with his rumbling voice, started reading aloud as gingerly as he could, holding back the tears. His story was very concise and detailed, and beautifully written. I felt such a range of emotions. I could sense that it was a healing experience for my mother, and Uncle Stan.

I drove home feeling so much love and so much frustration. I felt as if I truly had a family to be proud of, but also felt selfish in my own life. I make things into these big ordeals, when truly I haven’t been through hardship. I am blessed, and I choose to focus on that. I think this was one of the first Thanksgivings where I really truly felt thankful. I also feel like I have a better sense of what matters in life, and what kind of legacy I want to leave this earth with.

Anyway, happy holidays to all my beloved friends! I love you all.

-Josh

Capitalism

Wow, 3 posts in 2 days! I am on a blog-roll!

Found this quote courtesy of Ms. Melissa Miles. Kind of interesting.

Kevin Barnes (from of Montreal):
"The thing is, I like capitalism. I think it's an interesting challenge. It's a system that rewards the imaginative and ambitious adults and punishes the lazy adults. Our generation is insanely lazy. We're just as smart as our parents but we are overwhelmed by contradicting ideas that confuse us into paralysis. Maybe the punk rock ethos made sense for the "no future" generation but it doesn't make sense for me. I like producing and purchasing things. I'd much rather go to IKEA than to stand in some bread line. That's because I don't have to stand in a bread line. Most people who throw around terms like "sellout" don't have to stand in one either. They don't have to stand in one because they are gainfully employed. The term "sellout" only exists in the lexicon of the over-privileged. Almost every non-homeless person in America is over-privileged, at least in a global sense. "

Open wide my door, My Lord, My Lord.

Sometimes I fear that I hold things back in my blog because I realize other people read it. The whole reason I started blogging was to have an online journal where I could let my thoughts out and look back on them. Now I have all these different friends with different viewpoints and I fear offending all of them. I am going to stop caring about that. Whether what I write if wrong or right, I have to be honest with what I am feeling at that moment.

I have started reading Acts on the light rail on my way to/from work. I feel so full of love this morning. To paraphrase one of the verses I read this morning, “You crucified me, and I offered forgiveness”. In the church, we always talk about forgiveness in the sense of forgiving others, which is extremely powerful. However, I think God calls us to remember daily that we are forgiven for our own transgressions, and that there is liberty in that. We need to walk this earth freely, and not feel like we are constantly paying off some sort of debt. It seems like a lot of critics look at Christianity like this condemning religion where you are made to feel bad about everything you do. I feel the opposite. Christianity is freedom. It’s coming to the enlightenment that you are loved and forgiven, therefore you can be free to love and forgive others. There are no preset expectations, just love. I sound like such a hippy right now, but I can’t contain the feeling in me. These basic truths are so hard for me to comprehend sometimes, so when I feel it in my heart, I get real excited.

Anyway, love ya all.

-Josh

Intense.

I read this on another blog, and was dumbfounded by it.

"The 2006 budget showed that US military expenditures were twenty-one times larger than diplomacy and foreign aid combined, and that the United States was dead last among the most developed nations in foreign aid as a percentage of gross domestic product. One wonders what would happen if good-hearted Americans realized that a mere 10 percent of the US military budget, if reinvested in foreign aid and development, could care for the basic needs of the entire world's poor. Or if they realized that one-half of 1 percent of the US military budget would cut hunger in Africa in half by 2015. Would there be marches in the streets calling for budgetary reform?"

You have new Picture Mail!

Pwned