Peace like a River...

My mom just called me 10 minutes ago and informed me that Amy Fosholm passed away. Amy was a lady that lived with my family for a period of 8 years back when I lived in North Dakota. She was one of the godliest women I have ever come across. I would dare say that I probably wouldn’t be a Christian today had I not seen and experienced the love of God that was so evident on Amy. She used to sit in her room for hours up hours praying and interceding for people. I can still remember being a 6 year old sitting in her lap and praying together. Even after she moved out, she would write me letters with prayers and words of encouragement for me.

Amy was well into her 90’s and her health had rapidly depleted in the past year, so this death was not overly unexpected. Either way, it hits me hard. What will my legacy be? I desperately want to love people in the same way that Amy did. In some ways, her death re-ignites a flame in me.

Amy, you will be missed.

If you think about it, please pray for Amy and her family. I know she is in a much better place right now.

(past blog I made about Amy)

When it comes to you, I'm lazy.

On Monday, I went into the little café next door to my office, and the snow was just pouring down. It was really surreal, because the snow was dumping down, but none of it was sticking. It felt chaotic to me and invigorating.

It seems like life has really slowed down this week, which I am elated about. Last night, I watched the Nuggets play like ass and lose! Then I went home, folded my laundry, and watched the Danielson documentary: Danielson: A Family Movie. I was extremely impressed by this film. It goes through their entire career and really involves the viewer in the story. They are such an inspirational family. They make some of the most obscure sounding music ever, yet their hearts and attitudes are completely sincere and simple. They honestly just want to honor God with their music, and this is the sound that comes from them. I find that to be super interesting and beautiful.

This weekend is going to be quite busy! On Saturday, I am going to watch the Nuggets stomp the Spurs at the Pepsi Center. I am especially excited about this because it’s the first time I have ever gone to a playoff game. Directly after the game, I am going to walk across the street and watch Bright Eyes at the Buell Theatre. I am anticipating this show quite a bit. I really love his new album, Cassadaga.

PS – Last night I started writing some acoustic music for fun. I have been using a 1970’s tape recorder from Montgomery Wards. It sounds like total garbage, but it kind of has warmth to it. Regardless of sound quality, it’s really convenient for getting my ideas down.

Good Friday

It is a wet, overcast, dreary day outside today. I drove into work this morning listening to Young Mountain by This Will Destroy You as I reflected on the meaning of Good Friday, and its personal relevance to me. It really is emotional to think about the price our heavenly father paid for our redemption.

Tonight at bible study we are going to watch The Passion of the Christ. The last time I viewed this film, I was alone in my apartment with a glass of wine, so it will be interesting to watch it with others. I hope I am able to open up and let it sink in, because sometimes I get really distracted by people around me.

New Guitar!

So I probably spend about 80% of my time playing the guitar on acoustic. I am just really into finger picking and alternate tunings, plus it’s super easy to just pick the acoustic and go at it. I have been playing on this beginners Taylor “Big Baby” because it was cheap and got the job done. Well, I am not a huge fan of the Taylor sound (way too tinny), so about a year ago I started researching what guitar I would get next. I came to find out that a lot of my favorite acoustic recordings were done with vintage Guild acoustics (Nick Drake, Denison Witmer, Owen, etc.). Additionally, I found that the majority of them sell for under $700, which is great for a nice sounding acoustic.

So yesterday I was looking around at Guitar Center, and noticed an old acoustic just sitting in the middle of all of these crappy Fender acoustics, so I look closer and sure enough, it’s a 1971 Guild D-25. These normally sell on Ebay for around $600 and they had it marked for $459, so I knew it was a good deal. I was able to walk out the door with the guitar and a set of Martin SP’s for $430. I am so excited to finally have a nice acoustic again! Now I just need to put a pickup in it.

I would describe the tone as very mid rangy and super loud which is precisely what I look for in acoustic guitars. It sounds great with a pick and with just your fingers. The mahogany gives the tone really nice warmth to it. I will try getting some recordings of it up.

(example of a vintage Guild D-25)

Past, Present and Future...

Well, by this time next year, I really hope to be set on my path to ministry. I have mixed feelings about my life up to this point. On one hand, I have had some incredible experiences. From making great music with friends I consider as close as brothers to traveling and living life as an adventure, I feel like life has been pretty full. On the other hand, I have done very few preparations for certain goals I have (ie. mission’s work, pasturing, leading). I have decided to not live in regret. I think God has taken me on this distinct journey for a reason and the outcome is going to be amazing as long as I keep my eyes fixed on him.

Looking back at my life as a 23 year old, I made some huge mistakes, and I also grew a ton. I feel like a completely different person. God is doing a constant change in me, and I am truly ready for the next level.

The past few weeks, I have been really trying to sift through all of the crap that clouds my vision. I have been driving more and more with out any music on, so I can focus on prayer and my thoughts. I have been praying before I go to bed. I think God truly is preparing me, and softening my heart.

Anyhoo, I think the next 365 days of me being 24 are going to be great, and my relationship with God is going to become more intimate than ever.

<3

I was just thinking this morning as I drove into work, I really miss the rain. I can’t remember the last time I was out and about on a rainy day. There is something to refreshing and lively about rain. I realize it’s still the winter, but I know that spring is just around the corner. I can’t wait to smell the freshness of the outdoors and see the new life popping up everywhere. We really are surrounded by miracles on a daily basis.

As soon as I can, I really want to commit more time to nature and spending my days outdoors. I certainly feel like God speaks to us through art and nature. I know all of this sounds overly artsy, but it’s true. There is peace in the silence of the mountain trails. There is love in the sounds of chirping birds. There is an absolute truth in the smell after a hard rain. All of these things really bring me back to that intimate relationship with my God.

So in conclusion, anyone want to go on some hiking trips with me this spring/summer?

Today, I started reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau. So far it is really interesting. I find 19^th century literature to be really beautiful. It’s funny, because Thoreau is pretty much speaking in scientific terms about the psychology of man, and why we go through our everyday life. Yet the way in which he writes is very poetic rather than prose driven. Anyway, I will let you know my thoughts on it once I finish it. Here is a little sentence from it that stuck out for me:

“See how he cowers and sneaks, how vaguely all the day he fears, not being immortal or divine, but the slave and prisoner of his own opinion of himself, a fame won by his own deeds.”

To Feel Again...

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending a retreat with my church’s “College and Career Age Group”. It was such a blast. Here is a recap of the weekend:

On Friday night we arrived, unloaded the cars and claimed beds/floor space. The house was freezing cold as it was heated by the wood burning fireplace (more to come on the coldness later). All 26 of us sat down in the living room and sang some worship songs and had a quick talk.

That evening, we all went to bed around midnight. We soon discovered that the house was not heating up fast enough, so we slept in about 15 degree weather! It was honestly the coldest I have ever been in my life. Most of us ended up not sleeping and just huddled around the fireplace. It was humorous after the fact.

Saturday morning, we had breakfast around 8:30 and just chilled for the next few hours. In the mid morning we had another meeting. We had a group discussion on our biggest satisfactions in the Church today, and our biggest disappointments. It was really interesting to hear everyone’s point of view. The general ending of the discussion seemed to conclude that we, as believers, need to get back to our first love and start really developing our personal relationships with God instead of just going through the motions.

That afternoon, we all hung out playing board games and acting overtly gay (haha). It was so stellar to just have nothing important to do. For the record, I completely wiped Hoshi out in poker!..haha. I would say this afternoon was the best time of bonding for the group as a whole. It seemed like everyone was really enjoying themselves.

That evening, we had our final service, which consisted mainly of just worship. Delmar spoke for about 30 minutes, but the other hour and half was simply time with God. It was a powerful evening, and I will recap what happened to me spiritually a little bit later.

The cabin was much warmer that evening, and the three Josh`s (Me, Hosh and Josh Brown) all slept in a twin bed. I must say that despite being spooned by Hosh all evening, I slept like a log.

On Sunday morning, the triple J (the 3 Josh`s!) slept in. When we got up, everyone was pretty much ready to hit the road, so we packed our stuff, threw the football around a bit, and left.

Like I said earlier, this was a really refreshing weekend for me. I have been dealing with a ton of conflict in my life lately. I really feel like God was beckoning me to come back to my first love in him. I would say the thing I am most excited about, is the fact that I am starting to feel again spiritually. I feel like I have been ignoring that side of my life for so long. I would love to say that I started balling my eyes out, and God knocked me on my face, but that is not how it happened. I feel like my road back to wholeness won’t be an instant one, however, after feeling that glimpse of him this past weekend, I am ready for the work. I am ready for a lifestyle change. I want to start looking through God’s eyes. Everything seems so much more beautiful when seen through holiness.

Anyway, I am glad you are all around me to witness the change in my life, and hold me accountable to it. I am ready for the next step, and I think God has a plan for me (and you!).

Here are some photos from the weekend:

About to play monopoly!

Me, Tracy, and Jami

The celebratory dogpile after our board game victory.

Hosh looking like an 8 year old:

Wood burning stoves!

Rach and Wendy just chillin!

I call you back to the place beside me.

So I have been getting all caught up on the “Lost” dvds. I just finished season 1 last night, and let me tell you, I am super excited to start on season 2. I will say that the cliffhangers get a bit annoying, but it’s a great story line that has kept me entertained through the whole thing.

Reality is really starting to set in about that fact that my close friends Olivia and Josiah are moving in a few days. I am seriously going to miss them. At the same time, I am excited about their future, and truthfully, it gives me hope for my own. Some day, I will be with the one I love and pursuing my life’s dream!

Mark, Sean and I started a new song last night. I really like our initial progression. I think we need to figure out a more structured way of writing, so we can get these parts together, but I am super excited about our start. I must admit, my head was not in the game last night. I drank an Old Guardian from Stone Brewery on an empty stomach and it went to my head a bit…haha.

Wow, what a nice long weekend! It was great seeing my friends Chris and Thomas. They are such awesome guys. We all got together and had a few beers on Friday night which was a blast. The night ended with Chris and I covered in sharpie marker and I had a "confederate" mustache.…haha. It’s nice to let loose every once and a while.

In other news, there is this girl named Bethany that I have liked for a few years now. I am not sure if it was my own self-esteem, or being afraid of the fact that she lives in Ohio, but I never told her. Yesterday, I finally sat down and wrote her a letter explaining my feelings. I put it in the mail box this morning, and I am super nervous about it, but I couldn’t go on any more with out telling her. Anyway, we will see what happens! Give me a prayer if you think about it! Hahahah. Pray that she wants my hot bod! (jk)

Have an awesome week.

-J

PS - Listen to some Bonnie Prince Billy asap. He is way too good.

God is Love and Love is Real

This week has been interesting. I have been really sick the past couple of days, which is no fun. Not only does the physical part of being sick suck, but sitting around the house and doing nothing for 2 days straight really wears on me mentally as well. I came into work today, even though I am still not 100%, but hopefully I get through this soon. I watched the following movies over the past 3 days:

The Departed

Black Dahlia
Crank
Shawsank Redemption
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Silence of the Lambs
Jesus Camp (again)

In other news, my friends Chris and Thomas are in town from L.A., so I will be hanging with them all weekend. Good times will be had by all!

I hope you all had a great Valentine’s Day. I know a lot of people like to hate on this holiday, but I think it’s a good excuse to let your loved ones know how you feel about them.

My Evening

my Evening

Judi's glasses look good on me!

I was driving home, listening to "Jump" by Van Halen and noticed these lovely glasses on the seat. I think this is a good look for me.

Thanks again to Mark and Judi for letting me use their truck while my car is in the shop!

Up and running!

Tracks have finally been laid down!

Last night, we all got together and tied up all the lose ends of our little home studio. It feels good to write music with no prerogative besides producing art. Some day, it may see the light of day, but at this point, I personally don't care.

In other music news, I might be filling in on second guitar for a couple shows with my friend's band "Cameron at Bay". Check out their music, it's sexxxxy:

myspace.com/cameronatbay

over it

I am sick of obsessing over the future. It gets so tiring and pointless. There are so many things I want to accomplish, yet I don’t feel like I have control over any of them.

Anyhoo, I am so excited to write music tonight. I have been neglecting that side of me, and it’s time to have some outlet. Sometimes I don’t think music is ever going to let me go.

A New Begining!

I just want to make a formal post congratulating Jonas and Tiff on being pregnant! Seriously, what an amazing thing it is when two people come together and permanently change history by bringing a new life into the world. It’s pretty incredible if you ask me. I know that your child is going to grow up being loved and adored and will spread the love of God throughout the world.

I think Christian and Taylor need a little sister. WHO”S WITH ME?!

In other news, I got a leak of the new Jesu record. It’s really stinkin’ good upon first listen.

All I can say if phew! It seems like the past few weeks have been a blur. My family all met up in Montana at my sister’s house for a late Christmas. It was such a relaxing week. It was so nice to just enjoy my family’s company and not adhere to any real prerogative. I had a lot of good time to gather my thoughts and come up with some realistic goals for 2007. I really think this year is going to be a pivotal year for my future. Here are my goals:

-Get in shape (I know this is generic, but I am already on my way!)

-Become financially mature. By this, I don’t mean “get rich”. I mean become more Godly with my lifestyle and my spending. I feel like I waste way too much money. I want to be a generous man, and share more with people who are in need.

-Get set in my future. I really want to dig in and start working for my ultimate career choice. Whether that is ministry, music, missions, etc.

-I want to start truly changing my attitude toward others. Sometimes, I feel so selfish. I want to start truly love and caring for my neighbors. I realize that this can only really happen with the help of God.

That is about it. We’ll see how the year turns out. I am really hoping to better myself and my environment.

Wake up Call

I am sick of being bitter and cynical. I know that the people who know me in real life will say that I am a pretty joyful/cheery person, but I don't feel that way in my mind. I feel like I am using every excuse possible to ignore my calling.

From my birth up until the age of 7, a lady lived with my family named Amy Fosholm. I consider this woman to be my third grandmother. Anyways, she was a complete woman of God. She would spend a minimum of 4 hours a day praying and interceding for people. She is one of the kindest people on this earth.

I was looking for something this afternoon in my storage boxes and came across a box full of pictures and letters. Overall, it was a really great time to look back at my life and all of the great relationships I have made. Two letters completely knocked me in the face. They were both from my old friend, Amy. The first, was a letter she wrote to me when I was still in my mother's womb. It was pretty much a prophecy saying that the Lord is birthing someone in my mother that was going to reach all of the nations and be a great person of God. The second letter was a follow up letter she sent me when I was in high school. It told me to chase after God and spend time with him. It told me to ignore all of the little things and get in line with the pulse of Jesus.

It's hard to explain how both of these letters spoke to me, but I feel like something profound has happened today. I feel clarity like I have never felt. Additionally, I feel extremely screwed up. I feel like I have expended so much energy and thought on things that aren't in my master plan. Frankly, I don't know what the master plan is, but I know that I need to rise up in spiritual maturity. I know that I need to disregard the petty things that plague my world.

Recently, I blogged about my frustrations with being selfish. Those thoughts have not gone away. It is time for a global view. It is time to start truly caring. As much as I want it to be, this life is not my own.

Change

This is probably the hardest blog I have ever tried to articulate. I have been thinking it over for the past couple months, and I just need to get it out of my mind and written down. I am really starting to believe that I don’t adhere to any political party. The reason this is hard for me to say is because it seems like literally everyone around me is passionately conservative.

Trust me, I am all for political awareness and social justice. I just don’t see justice happening in our current state. I think certain things about modern capitalist politics just don’t line up with the life Jesus led. Here are a few of the issues I am starting to re-think:

I am becoming a pacifist. Last night, I watched the movie, The Passion of the Christ. As I sat there in tears watching this actor’s rendition of Jesus, it became more apparent how much of a non-violent revolutionary he was. The “turn the other cheek” analogy is more than just a saying; it was a way of life for Jesus. Now, just for clarification, this is not some anti-Iraq war rant. I am simply stating my distaste for war in general. I realize our country was pretty much founded on the civil war, but to me that is not justification, it’s just history that we learn from.

I am becoming more concerned about Green Matters and the Environment. The bible calls us to be good stewards of our land, and I feel like our society has not done its job in upholding this. Everything on this earth is God’s piece of art from a mucky marsh in the everglades to farmland in the Midwest. Sometimes I think we have this attitude that Jesus is coming back before any of our environmental footprint effects anything. The fact of the matter is no one knows when Jesus is coming. It has been “at hand” since the apostle Paul was alive. One of my greatest fears is that, in a thousand years, our offspring look back at us in bewilderment at how we treated our land and showed no concern over their future. Why? So we could have 5 options in sneakers instead of 2, so we could have a 3 cars instead of two, etc.

I am reading the bible as a story, not an answer book. The bible is the tale of our existence put into poetic terms, not prose. It is the word inspired by God, not directly written by him. I believe the bible is 100% true in context, not out of it. I believe that we are still living out the bible today. God gave us the gift of his word so that we could see how past tribulations have been handled through different cultures and times. From the Spanish Inquisition, to John Wesley, to modern times, God wants us to learn from the past and grow on it. It is much like a tree and its rings. The tree keeps growing off itself and adding onto the rings already laid down, not starting new trees, not erasing past rings, but building upon them.

These are the major things going on in my head currently. Like I said when I started this thread, this is my journey. I could be completely off, and I am open to that fact. I just want to be open with my thoughts and not stifle “different” thinking. By the way, I realize that my points kind of went beyond politics and into just my general orthodoxy. Sorry for the scatter-brained post.

Sun Kil Moon is way too good.

Whoa, I got this mobile blogging thing set up. That is what that picture is in the previous post. I am glad they finally released this feature.

I had a decent weekend. On Friday, my company hosted a holiday party. It was nice to get all dressed up and be “swank” for an evening. I will post a picture of my date and I later (Once I get the picture uploaded). On Saturday, I saw “Apocalypto”, the new Mel Gibson movie. It was spectacular. I was enthralled in the story all the way through. That evening, I went and watched Sean’s band Cameron at Bay. They killed it. By far the best band of the evening, I hope Sean and the guys keep plugging away at it, because they have a ton of potential. After the show I went to a lame party, and since I don’t drink much anymore, I pretty much just sat there and lurked..haha. Sunday, I went to church, Pastor Leech gave a great outline of the church’s vision. I am excited to be a part of Jubilee.

What will my soundtrack be for this period?

So I started a diet exactly 7 days ago, and I have already lost 11 pounds. I am so insanely impressed. Results are the best motivation ever to keep going. I haven’t been “thin” since I was about 9 years old, so this is a huge thing for me. Hopefully I get down to the point I want to.

I have been super inspired by the band lately. Right now, it truly feels like we are weightless and limitless. I feel like we can dream as elaborate or as basic as we want. It’s so easy to get boxed into a niche. Sometimes we all need jolts to realign our dreams and actions. We have started experimenting with more electronic drums and patterns and it’s forcing us to think outside the box. So far, we have two great song starts.

Big things to come.