This Zombi is Anything but Alive

Do you know what I fear the most? It isn’t death, or where my eternity lies, ect. My biggest fear is leading myself into a comma of a life.

The past few months I have gone through ups and downs, but I think I have really learned some things through the valleys I have walked through. The most important thing I have discovered is that I truly needs stimulus, whether it be for my soul, spirit, or body. I cannot go on in this numb state where I ignore life, because I will tell you right now, when it all catches up with you, its worth that death. Sometimes, I think we as humans naturally lean towards the middle path, the mediocre way. Life comes from challenge, not zombie-living.

To put this all together, lately, I have been reading my bible, listening to sermons on my iPod, and worshiping God. Let me tell you, this has lead to a fullness of life like I have never experienced before. I used to look at these types of things as secondary, “When I have time, I will pursue it harder”, I have since discovered that life is in these practices. God placed these communication methods in our lives so that we could truly breath, because the alternative is a stagnant comma-state of a life.

I will fully admit that I still stumble, and life isn’t necessarily easy just because I communicate with God and pursue His things. I will say, however, that the application of your spirituality will do wonders for your self-esteem, and bring everything into perspective.


Lord, I love you so much. I want to pursue you in EVERYTHING. I am tired and weak, and I truly need your touch. I pray that you would help my in my pursuit of You, guide me and bring revelation. I do not want to be a zombie-Christian that does through life settling for the mediocre, never living up to the promises You have made.

-Josh

argh!

I have seriously been brain dead lately. On countless occasions, I have sat here and tried to think about something to blog about. Everything has been so busy lately, I feel like I have hardly had a chance to breath. Time to simplify.

<3 you all.

Between Christian Rock and a Hard Place

I have decided that music honestly is one of the most amazing things ever. Obviously, this isn’t a new development since I have been obsessed with music since I got my first “Mylon LeFevre” tape when I was 7.

I just find it interesting how three-dimensional it is. There are the obvious things that stick out like genre, tone, recording quality, and subject matter. What I find interesting however is that all of these things can add these underlying ideas and emotions. For instance, when I listen to Sufjan Stevens vs. Jose Gonzalez, they are fairly similar aesthetically. They are both indie-folk singer-songwriters. However, when I listen to Jose I get a much bigger sense of originality. It feels like he is truly engrossed in the art he is creating rather than just trying to evoke a certain mood. I LOVE Stevens, I am just stating differences. Through Jose’s whispery voice I hear intensity and conviction.

Anyway, I started a new blog for album reviews and another one for my short stories and other miscellaneous writings. Check them out if you wish:

joshmickelson2.blogspot.com
pinchblistering.blogspot.com

(Isn’t weird that I made a post that doesn’t have to do with Christianity?)

Oh god do what you can to annoint my head

I woke up this morning to awful weather. It was snowing/sleeting and the roads were not good. Throughout the day, I noticed that the weather was improving, so I went on lunch. Upon returning to work, it was sunny outside, and oddly enough there was a herd of deer across the street from my office. Very beautiful.

In some ways, I think our spiritual life is like this. We go through times of sadness and weakness. But honestly, I think that making it through those times is the most rewarding/refreshing experiences. I don’t think that beauty after a storm would be as amazing without the storm itself happening.

This sounds like something I would have learned as a child in Sunday school, but I can say that I haven’t learned it in my heart yet. I am getting there though, and I really am trying to place my trust in God. I may not know the master plan, but I do know that God has a way of expressing himself that we can’t comprehend, and it’s the most beautiful thing ever.

How Great Thou Art

I have been re-thinking a lot of things lately concerning my beliefs/relationship with God. I have come to the conclusion that I am falling out of love with Christianity and more in love with God himself. I know that sounds almost heretic, but it is not meant to be. All I am saying is that I feel like I have put God in this box of my surroundings. I have interpreted him based on what my parents and society have taught me. I want to have a living, breathing relationship with a real God. Not a myth whose foundation is based in modernism and man made ideals. I want to read the bible like a love story, not a formulaic textbook to get answers for whatever you need. I guess you could say I am falling back in love with Jesus because I am realizing that the things that turned me off before were nothing like him anyway. It seems like the church (in general) might be losing its grip on things because it refuses to admit fault and progress. I feel like we are back in the 1800’s when slavery was justified with the Bible. Or back in the crusades when people of different religions were murdered in the name of God. Maybe it’s not that extreme or apparent, but I feel we need to constantly be re-assessing ourselves, and depending on God for the answers. Not our surroundings and selfish motives. Anyway, food for thought.

I am weak, but He is strong

No major insight or theology on this entry, I just want to say that I am thankful for my friends and my God. I have had a super rough week and I screwed up big time. Yet now in retrospect, I can say that I am stronger, and smarter from it. So thanks to my friends who are reading this and know what I am talking about.

In other news, I am completely moved into my place in Castle Pines North. It is SOOO nice. I am super pumped on it all. Everyone should come visit me.

I just read the funniest argument on hxcboards between a vegan guy and other people. Funny stuff.

We Will Survive

I have brought the suck at blogging this past month. Oh well.

So I started reading a new book called New Kind of Christian. I am only 4 chapters in, but I have found it super stimulating and interesting. So far, the book is about how our society is transitioning from the modern world to the post-modern world. To sum up what I have read so far, it is about the fact that modern Christianity is clinging on to the foundations they laid in the modern world, while everything else is progressing. In other words, the Church is losing relevancy because it laid too much foundation in our surroundings and environment. I am paraphrasing like no other, but I hope the point is coming through clear. Anyway, the book is really opening my eyes to the reasons that I am a Christian. After thought, the main reason I am a Christian is that I have a relationship with a living, breathing God. It is so easy to limit God to our surroundings, but He is so much bigger than that. Maybe it is just human nature, but I think we need to get over ourselves. I have heard a lot of concern regarding future generations and their relevance to God. Personally, I feel very optimistic. I think our societal changes are going to force a re-evaluation of our Western/European view on God.

Anyway, on a personal note, I am moving this Saturday. I am so excited about it. I will finally have my own spot to study/keep clean/sleep in/ yada. I have been a nomad for a while now and it sucks. Although I can honestly say I think it has been good for me. I don’t have a dependency on home. Which I think is going to be crucial when I move into missions. Anyway, if you are my friend, and reading this, you should come check it out.

there is no easy path

Do you ever wonder if you have missed the point in some senses? I have been really concerned about my life this week. I have always banked on music as my ticket into ministry, and that pastorship/missionary work is all something for when I am older. I believe God has given me a gift in music, and I am using it right now. I just feel a deeper calling in a sense. I really want to see lives changed in a day-to-day manner. I am really tired right now, so I might just be speaking out of my sleepiness. I just hope that I figure things out soon. For the record, this entry is just how I am feeling right now; it has nothing to do with my band or church. It is simply a diary entry, and a vent for frustrations in my life.

Simply Complex

I have been struggling the last few days with simple faith vs. complex faith. The Bible talks about having faith like a child. It also speaks about digging deeper and deeper into the things of God. This has been the conflict in my mind that past week. I came to a realization, however. God isn’t looking for simple-minded believers. I think when the Bible talks about “Faith like a child”; it is about taking delight in everything. If you look at a child, their life is so amazing. A smile from their daddy, or a hug from their sibling is a huge source of happiness. I think in some ways, that’s how God wants us to view our beautifully complex relationship with Him. It is not wrong to question things, or research, I think God promotes it. I just think we need to take delight in the simple pleasures, and the basic fact that we serve such an awesome God. This is a fairly straight forward entry, I hope it is encouraging

2+2=5

So who would win in a cage match, Science or Art? In modern day, I think most people would answer that question with, “Science”. We are in an era (no matter how artistic you think you are) that worships science. With revolutionary thinking like Darwin and other philosophers, we have started viewing everything in terms of formulas and steps. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with science. God has created an immaculate universe, and I see it as an honor to be able to research it and gain more knowledge about it. I think the trouble lies when we start view God in terms of formulas and “5 steps to Christianity”. When we view things that way, we start extracting verses to further our
”hypothesis” or prove our own point. I think if you read through the Bible without this mindset, you will find a different story. From Moses to Paul, everyone communicated heart felt, poetic stories of a true relationship with God. I really think that there is an underlying language in the Bible. It is one of relationship and acceptance. To be 100% honest, I myself am still digesting all of this. I just wanted to throw out what is going on in my head currently.

So This is the New Year

We had a discussion on our last cell meeting that really sparked thought inside of me. We talked about our New Year’s resolutions. I thought about my goals for the year 2006, and by the end of the night, I realized they were all completely selfish. Nowhere in my list was outreach. It was all about SELF-improvement. I have been thinking about it a lot this week, and I have come to the conclusion that a lot of my growth can and should come through giving. I have said this in previous entries on here, but I want to reiterate that Jesus clothed the naked, fed the hungry, and gave to the poor. I feel like the vast majority of the things I do are simply to make my way of life better. I mean, it is simply our human nature to think of self first. It is the natural persuasion. I really think that when we can give up ourselves, we are opening a door to let God in. When I look at my past, the times I have felt most fulfilled were when I took my focus off myself. I realize this entry is probably a bit jumbled, but it has been pressing really hard on my heart. I have been feeling very confused about Christianity in general. I feel like a lot of the things I placed so much weight on, are less and less significant. I have the feeling that we have possibly misinterpreted the Bible in many ways. With that in mind, I find it is easy to become cynical. I have decided, that it is pointless to get to so technical when I am not following a lot of the basic principles that Jesus laid out for us. Anyway, hopefully this entry doesn’t sound negative. I honestly feel encouraged by it; Jesus has given us a blueprint on how to live the perfect life. Obviously, he realizes that we are going to screw up, but I feel that it is time for the church to step and think outwardly.

Heaven on Earth

So what is Christianity about? Is it about living a decent life then going to heaven? I really don’t think so. Christianity is about bringing heaven to earth. I realize this is kind of one of those cliché statement, but its true. If you read through the gospels, Jesus’ greatest grievance was with people who weren’t generous, who didn’t show love to people in need, people who didn’t bring heaven to earth. Christianity isn’t about finding an escape plan out of this world; it is about making it better. The Bible clearly instructs to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and help the poor. It doesn’t instruct us to give people a bunch of rules and regulations to live by. Improving our surroundings. I believe that God looks directly at how we live our lives. This kind of leads us into the grace topic. I believe that grace is viewing ourselves the way God views us. If we focus on what we have done wrong, we have missed the point. Living in grace is accepting that God has a better life for us, and making the choice to bring heaven to earth. There are plenty of times when your dead self is going to raise its ugly head, and there will be many times when you fall back into old rituals. Grace is making the conscious choice to refuse hell the right of passage into this earth.

Jesus on earth...

Well, this will probably be my last entry before Christmas. These past few weeks have been interesting. I have gone through many stresses and trials with work and finances. Yet, for some reason, I have woken up every morning with Jesus on my mind. It seems like the first thought through my head when my alarm goes off is prayer and thankfulness. I really truly am grateful to have a Savior who loves me so. I feel like no matter what happens, and how life progresses, I have this deep love for God. This may sound like a sappy love song, but its true. People can doubt this whole thing all they want, and in all honesty, I think God welcomes it. The truth of the matter is, EVERYONE has a magnet in him or her that is attracted to Jesus. There isn’t a single person on this earth that wasn’t created to worship Him. Anyway, I am grateful.

My friend was telling me how he was going to serve at a shelter or soup kitchen on Christmas day. I really respected that; I will be with my friends and loved ones. It sparked the thought in me however. We worship God through loving others. Whether it be a homeless person looking for food, spending time with our friends and family, ect. We are exalting Jesus by living like him, and showing our compassion and love for others. I think that is a profound thing. I mean it really makes me value my relationships and loved ones in a different way. Anyway, food for thought I guess.

Understanding

I am becoming more and more convinced that the more I read the Bible, the less I understand. In all honesty, I am kind of comforted by that. I believe that people who think they can read the Bible without being swayed by their own agenda are kidding themselves. Think about this, there was no such thing as printing presses until the 1400s. Before that, there was maybe one bible per town. The Bible was read in communities. Someone would read aloud and afterwards, everyone would discuss what he or she just went through. In a lot of ways, I believe the Bible was meant to be read in groups, not by yourself. Almost every usage of the word “you” in the Bible is plural. Paul would write to communities and groups of people. I am not going to make this into a long rant, but I believe that the Bible was meant to be interpreted through prayer and community. There is a lot more to this, I am reading about it in the book “Velvet Elvis”. I just don’t feel like writing a novel…haha.

Back in the Saddle?

So I haven’t updated my blog in almost a year. I just haven’t had anything to say I guess. Well, I am finally feeling ready to be vocal about life. So I will try and update this more often. My pastor recommended that I start journaling and writing down my thoughts. I probably won’t add too many friends to this thing for that reason. But I don’t really care who reads this. I think it is important to be transparent and open. I would also like to point out that my thoughts on this are just that…thoughts. Don’t believe everything you read, pray about it and apply it to yourself.

So I guess my first entry is going to be fairly general. I have recently gone through some revelation on my understanding of God and this life that we are going through. You know what my huge revelation was? God is Love. Profound, huh? If you are a Christian like myself, you have probably heard that a million times before. I have recently decided that I don’t care how many times it is said, because I do not see it in action in modern day Christianity. It seems like we focus on everything that is wrong. Whether it be cussing, drinking, yada yada. In the grand scheme of things, who cares? I wouldn’t call myself a fundamentalist by any means, but sometimes I think we really need to strip away the garbage. I believe that one of the enemy’s biggest means of destruction is confusion. I DO think that we, as Christians, need to fine-tune ourselves and really look introspectively, but lets get the basics right first. Jesus came here and loved people. The compassion that he showed people changed their hearts. Take Zaccheus (this example is inspired by Blue like Jazz for those of you who care) for example. Everyone in his town hated him. He was a tax collector who was rich of the poor and struggling people. I am pretty confident that he heard an ear full from his peers about how his life was wrong. However one day he decided to get in a tree and watch this Man he had heard so much about (I believe Jesus is magnetic, and all of us have a longing for him). Jesus looked at him in the eye, and said “I am eating at your table”. Jesus went over to his house and loved on him. Through His compassion, Zacheus was changed sold everything he had, spending the rest of his life pursuing Jesus. I think in a lot of ways, they church today looks more like the Pharisees of the gospels. The fact of the matter is, we don’t have everything figured out, and our calling is to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel”, I intrepid that as spreading Jesus’ love and acceptance.